CHINESE MAFIA!!

The end result of this situation forced me to write a police report to detail the story. Here is the police report I wrote up at 3 in the morning the night of the incident (and I have added some comments).

Yesterday, January 3, 2011, James (roommate) told me that his professor accused him of being involved in a cheating incident. He was very confused and told me that initially he had no idea of what was going on, so he talked with the professor to ask him what was going on. The professor sent James an email showing him the emails he and the other cheater (another guy from China) sent to the professor. James had no recollection of sending this email that was just shown to him and James told me that the other cheater found out James’ email username and password and logged on as James and sent an email to the Professor telling him that James was responsible for the cheating and then he also sent an email from his own email account to the professor saying that he was innocent. (see email documents) I was very confused myself and was confident that the University would work something out with James to prove that he was innocent.

Today, January 4, 2011, between 5 and 8 pm, James walked into the dorm room, I asked him how he was doing and he said that things JUST GOT A LOT WORSE. He said that the cheater kid talked to him and GRABBED HIM BY THE NECK and told James that if he did not confess to cheating to the professor in 24 hours, he will either kill James (by stabbing him with a KNIFE) or commit suicide in James’ bed (3FT AWAY FROM MY BED!! KIND OF FREAKY). 

I really didn’t want this situation turning bad (resulting in DEATH), so I talked to a buddy of mine about what I should do about the situation and we contemplated calling the police because we thought someone’s life was in jeopardy, but we ended up waiting about 30 minutes to talk to our RA (Austin) to see what he had to say about the situation. At that point, James was scared (like he should be). At some point in the conversation, Austin and I both thought that we should call the police.

We approached James and let him know that we were going to call the police because we didn't want a Virginia Tech situation on our hands. James immediately interrupted us and said that we couldn't call the POLICE! "Why?" we asked. APPARENTLY THIS KID'S FAMILY IS HIGHLY INVOLVED IN THE CHINESE MAFIA AND JAMES FELT WORRIED FOR THE SAFETY OF HIM AND HIS FAMILY back home if the kid found out that we were trying to get him in trouble.

Well, I guess we can't really call the police now..... shoot!

A few minutes later, the kid called James again and demanded that they meet again in our room immediately.  I set up a video camera in the corner of our room, then left the room for them to speak with each other. When I came back to our room, the kid was gone and James was already talking with Austin and a different RA. The video tape (according to James’ translation) showed that James was cornered in the room and the kid was demanding 100,000 dollars from James’ father and then he would leave James alone. James originally told him that he will not pay him the money and the kid stormed out of the room and apparently said, in Chinese, ”I will see you in China”. James later called his dad again and explained how the kid just demanded money in order for James to be safe. James' dad then told him that he should say that he will give the kid the money (but not actually do it) in order for James to be safe.  James told me that he did as his dad said and offered the kid the money.

On January 5, 2011, at about 2:00 am, everyone involved except for the kid, gathered in a room and discussed everything that happened with Campus Safety.  Campus Safety immediately recommended that James get the Police involved as soon as possible. Though still a bit hesitant, fearing for his family back home, he wanted the police to get involved. The police arrived and James filed a report. The CRAZY kid was sent to the hospital (because of his suicide threat).

I decided to go to sleep in a friend's room for the night just because I felt more comfortable there. I woke up around 9:00 AM and did my normal morning routine. I later found out from a few of my floor mates that James came out of our room with a bloody nose and a cut on his forehead. I was also told by one of my floor mates that there were two policemen standing outside of our door in the morning. James later told me that he fell out of his bed (which gave him the injuries).

WHAT IS HAPPENING!! AHHHH!!

New Song: Bad Day (Chipmunk Style)

My roommate came out with another song. His dream of becoming a viral sensation isn't going super well. His videos only have 300 or so views, but I guess you have to start somewhere.
Here is the new song. Like all of his videos, it is a bit creepy.

New Song: Nobody's Perfect

Hello All,
My roommate came out with a new song that is on youtube now. It is starting to get kind of annoying walking into my dorm room after class and having Hannah Montana blasting...
Anyway, here is the video. Enjoy.

Youtube!!!

My roommate discovered what youtube.com is today. He has been browsing videos all day and he is really in love with this video of two Chinese guys singing Backstreet Boys.

It is actually a pretty funny video. After watching this video, my roommate made a youtube channel and added a music video of his own. He is hoping to be a youtube sensation and go viral. I'm sure there will be more videos soon to come.

Massage?

Thursday night was an interesting night to say the least.

I got back to the dorm from my Econ class around 6:00 pm and what do you know, my roommate was playing a computer game. I was going skiing the next day early in the morning and my skis were freshly waxed, sitting in REI waiting to be picked. Since REI closed around 7:00 pm, I decided to drop my backpack off at the dorm and run a quick errand (yes that is how you spell it) to REI then come back. As I was leaving my dorm room, my roommate asked where I was going and if he could come with. Being the nice guy that I am, I provided him with one of his first adventures (leaving the dorm) of the year. We drove for about ten minutes, then arrived at REI. I picked up my skis, paid for them, then got back into the car to head back to campus.

When we got back in the car, out of nowhere, my roommate asked me if I wanted to get a massage with him. He showed me an article in a newspaper of a massage place in Denver and then he told me that he would pay for both of us. I thought it was kind of weird that he would ask me that so I respectfully told him that I did not want to get a massage but if he still wanted to get a massage, he could call a taxi when we got back to campus and have the taxi bring him to the massage place.

We got back to campus after the short ten minute drive and we both went back up to the dorm room. Thirty or so minutes went by and I heard my roommate call a "massage" place. He conveniently found a "massage" person to come to the dorm room for him. Nothing seemed too out of the ordinary. Back in Minnesota my family had a masseuse come to our house once or twice a year, so I didn't really think having a masseuse come to a dorm room was extremely unusual.

My roommate planned it all out. The "masseuse" was going to come to the dorm later that night and it was going cost $160 for thirty minutes. My roommate gave the person the address of our dorm. He gave her the city, the state, but when the lady asked for the zip code, my roommate (his english is not perfect) did not understand what "zip code" meant, so he handed the phone to me to give them the zip code. I gave her the zip code but things didn't feel right, so I politely asked her to confirm that this was a massage place. She immediately responded by saying, "NO, THIS IS FULL SERVICE."


Full Service: A term usually used for a call girl who does more than just "escort" or "body rubs". It means they perform everything. Sex in all forms by a call girl is called "full service".
-Urbandictionary.com


HOLY SH!T!!!
I'm not exactly sure what I said to her after that, but I eventually told her that I would have to call her back after I talked to my roommate and then I hung up on her. (she was pissed)


I immediately asked my roommate about the person he just called and he basically told me that he wanted to hire a hooker. Apparently prostitutes are very common in China so he thought it would be cool to bring one to OUR dorm room. I axed the idea and that was the end of that.

About 3 hours later, at about 11:00pm, I was studying in my dorm room, when all of a sudden...KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK on the door. My roommate quickly jumped out of his bed to go open the door. 

He opens the door and it is the HOOKER I was talking to on the phone!!! She walked into our dorm room wearing a puffy coat with animal fur on the hood. Not wanting anything to do with the situation, I grabbed my computer and ran. My roommate then proceeded to tell me that I could come back in 30 minutes. 

I spent most of those 30 minutes in complete shock that my roommate hired a prostitute, but then I also started to wonder how in the HELL the prostitute made it to my dorm room (which is on the 8th floor or a large dorm building) and knocked on my door.

21

Every single day, I come back from my classes and my roommate is either watching a movie or playing magic cards on the computer. Seriously! EVERY SINGLE DAY! Kind of a lame way to go through your freshman year of college. What ever.

(here is the trailer to 21)

Anyway, so the other day, I got back from class and my roommate was watching the movie "21", the card counting movie. The next day I get back from class and he is watching "21" again. The next day he is watching it AGAIN! I finally decided to ask him why he was watching the movie over and over again. I don't think he fully comprehended my question but he responded by explaining to me how he knows how to count cards and that he thinks he will be able to make a lot of money at the casinos. I basically said, "oh really, lets see you do it then." so I grabbed a deck of cards, gave him a few quarters from my laundry piggy bank and tested him. He surprisingly did very well. He just about doubled his money.

The next day, my roommate approached me and told me that we needed to make a team to go to the casinos and count cards, just like the movie. He said that he and I would be the big spenders and the other three or four guys would be at different tables keeping a count. I later found out that he bought a poker table for our dorm room when he walked into the room with a MASSIVE box. He also bought $100 worth of other "blackjack" equipment that you would need to practice.

Later, he asked me if I could get $2000 to bring to the casinos. I immediately said that I would bring none of my own money and he seemed perfectly ok with that. He said that he had $10,000 ready to go for the casino.

A few days after this whole situation went down, my roommate switched his major from finance to statistics, specifically dealing with counting cards...

I hope he realizes that I am not as committed to this whole thing as he probably is.

Peteranswers.com fail...

Hello all,

Ever since day one of college, my roommate has talked about ideas such as conspiracy theories, his future (from fortune tellers), aliens, etc. One idea that he was very passionate about was the idea of the world ending in 2012 according to the Mayan Calendar. He also briefly talked about 9/11 being fake, which pissed me off, but what ever.

Anyway, one day probably mid October, I was thinking back to the days of 8th grade when we would trick our friends with a website called peteranswers.com. If you don't know what this website is, it is basically a way to make your friends think that the computer knows everything and knows every answer to every question you ask it. But really, the person typing the question is secretly giving the computer the answer (it is hard to explain so just try it yourself).

I thought it would be a great idea to prank my roommate with this peteranswers website. He believed all of these other ideas and theories, so I was sure that he would believe peteranswers and everything "Peter" had to say.

Here is the video footage of me doing peteranswers with him:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDl8CQWX3-Y

Watch it before you read any more!

Umm... so ya... that's basically what happened. I started him off with some nice easy questions introducing him to the whole peteranswers system, then he recommended some questions I ask it...

That is when things went very bad, very quickly. "When is the end of the world?" I wasn't really thinking when I typed in the answer "tomorrow," and it was probably an even worse thing to ask "So what are you going to do if the end of the world is tomorrow?"

BUT SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL KIND OF RESPONSE WAS THAT!?

About an hour later, I told him that this whole thing was fake and I showed him how to trick some of his friends.

About the whole "President" thing...wow

Introduction

Hello all,

Most of you who are reading this probably know who I am, but for those who don't, I am currently a freshman at the University of Denver and I am having an awesome time. Late last summer, I found out that my future roommate was from a city in China that I had never heard of. I was very shocked that I was going to be living with a guy from China for the next year, but was also very excited mainly because I would have a person to play ping pong with. Anyway, college has been awesome, and my roommate is pretty cool, but there has been some funny stuff that has happened that I would like to share.

After all of the interesting and crazy things I have been through with my Chinese roommate, I have decided to create a blog that highlights each of these very funny and serious events.

I am creating this blog to entertain both you and myself, and I want to make sure that I do not forget about any of these precious stories in the future.

In addition to writing these blogs, I am planning on uploading pictures and videos to enhance your blog reading/viewing experience.